10/08/10

I guess you've seen it. The people that I’m always with have seen it---that there’s this part of me which easily breaks . Its like holding a vase that once dropped, it’s hard to fix again. It’s like being a kid playing and goofing around that once injured; tears would pull off the eyes ‘cause of too much pain that was felt. And yes! If you’re one among the few who recognize who I really am--- I am vulnerable!

Sometimes, I don’t realize how stupid it was to pretend that it doesn’t hurt when it actually does. I’ve tried to forget those unnecessary burdens in my life. I’ve tried to move on. But every time I get anywhere close, memories come flooding back to me. Like when someone brings up something I know that hurts me , I play it off by acting like I don’t care when I actually do. I wear a fake smile on my face just like fake designing clothes, it’s not real but most people can’t tell if it is or not unless you examine every aspect of it. But on the same note, I was praying I can cover up that pain and somehow it will fade sooner or later, but underneath this smile that I wear, is the pain that’s slowly killing me inside.

I thought I was good at pretending, but somehow, I come to realize that there are “some” where I can never hold back. There are “some” where I can never keep it “playing safe” and there are “some” where I can never avoid the reality that there are people who will really you down without even realizing it. And the only thing I can do is to say perfectly nothing and laugh it off. I lost my confidence already and I’m trying to build it up again. I know it’ll take me both patience and time for me to get it back.I don’t take it as negative side 'coz it is where i have chosen the path so i must take it as a challenge. I have learned a lot from these past and it’s a good way to start new chapter again.As long as God is with me, then i'll pursue what i have started no matter how hard it'll take. AND I WILL NEVER SURRENDER! :)

AMDG :)